


the truth doesn't matter

by exbex



Series: I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends [11]
Category: The Royal Romance (Visual Novel)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Infertility, Road Trips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-02 23:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,353
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24425377
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/exbex/pseuds/exbex
Summary: Riley was using every single ounce of CIA training as she looked at the binder that Hana had laid out in front of her. She looked from the pages to the neutral walls and carpet of the room. “I think I’m not ready...to choose a theme. I mean, I haven’t even had my IUD pulled yet.”
Relationships: Maxwell Beaumont/Main Character (The Royal Romance)
Series: I Get By With a Little Help From My Friends [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642447
Comments: 12
Kudos: 5





	the truth doesn't matter

“Do you know what that was all about?” Maxwell had an amused smirk on his face.

“I guess he’s making a pretty big assumption,” Riley frowned. “I mean, given that he doesn’t want me to eat any of the ‘forbidden foods’ of pregnancy.” She paused, her appetite having subsided. “We literally just got married a few weeks ago.”

Maxwell grimaced. “I probably should have known that the press would be up our asses pretty quickly. Most nobles don’t waste any time. And what with your unique story and everything that went down with Anton, we’re kind of famous right now.” Maxwell reached across the table and grasped her hand. “But we don’t need to rush into anything until we’re ready.”

“Maxwell, what if I’m never ready?” She’d gotten the impression that he was okay with the prospect of never having kids. But then, she’d also given him the impression that if he ever wanted to become a parent, she’d be on board. Such was the danger of the intoxication of a newfound love, made all the more potent by the fact that it had bloomed in a time of adrenaline-infused events.

“I think that we could sit here and drive ourselves crazy over hypotheticals, but I also think that we don’t need to worry about this on our honeymoon.”

****

“So much for not having to worry about this on our honeymoon.” Riley wasn’t sure if she admired Liam’s power move, respected the difficult situation he was in, marveled at her own naivete, or wished she was waiting tables back in Brooklyn.

They weren’t mutually exclusive, she decided.

“Technically, we didn’t. Our honeymoon just got extended.”

Riley felt tears stinging her eyes. She forced them back. “This is a lot, Maxwell.”

“Hey, I know it’s a lot, but I know you can do this.” Maxwell paused, weighing his next words, “you aren’t your mother, Riley. You can do this. And, you know, can’t you just see a little Riley or Maxwell running around?” Maxwell looked out at the waves lapping at the shore.

_I’m aware of that Maxwell. That is irrelevant Maxwell; I don’t want to do this._ But Riley was pulled up short in her thoughts. _Actually, I can kind of see it. It’s not the worst thing that could happen._ The nagging voice, the one that she’d managed to silence in the excitement and euphoria of marrying the love of her life and taking down a terrorist, crawled it’s way into her brain, like cold alien tendrils taking hold. _This the price you will have to pay for what you’ve done. You owe Maxwell this. You owe Liam this. You owe Cordonia this._ “You’re right.”

****

Riley was using every single ounce of CIA training as she looked at the binder that Hana had laid out in front of her. She looked from the pages to the neutral walls and carpet of the room. “I think I’m not ready...to choose a theme. I mean, I haven’t even had my IUD pulled yet.”

“You’re so right Babe.” Maxwell was practically bouncing. “These are awesome Hana, but it needs to feel more, you know, real before I’m ready to decide on baby swag for Maxwell Jr.”

Riley glanced over at him. “If we have a son, I think we should name him after me.”

Maxwell tilted his head to the side. “Not your dad?” 

“Hmm, maybe.” The sensation of being split in half, as if she was existing somewhat outside of her body, began to subside. “Maybe the middle name. Riley John…” she paused. The sensation came back. “We uh, have to decide what their last name is going to be.”

Maxwell clapped his hands together dramatically. “A portmanteau! Zeaumont. Or Bane. Or Banemont. Or Beauzane.”

The sensation ebbed. Riley managed some semblance of a real smile. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad.

*****

Riley groaned and pulled the pillow over her head. “Why the ever-loving fuck are our friends outside our bedroom door at this hour of the morning?”

It wasn’t even particularly early for either of them. But yesterday had been a bit of a roller coaster, with Riley recalling, minutes from the doctor’s office, that her rapist from a decade ago had left her with an STI, one that had needed to be treated twice with antibiotics, and then left her with a particularly nasty bout of pelvic inflammatory disease that doctors had warned her might leave scar tissue. It had turned into a longer than anticipated appointment, with confirmation that her beloved IUD would need to remain because making a baby the old-fashioned way wasn’t safe. She hadn’t had time to sort through the tangled knot of fear and disappointment and hope and relief and dread that the revelation had caused, hadn’t had time to analyze Maxwell’s reaction of matter-of-fact acceptance and cautious optimism before she’d succumbed to exhaustion.

“Only one way to find out,” Maxwell said, irritatingly sensibly.

They were seated in the solarium before anyone would clue them in. It was bad enough that the three of them had the grim-angry-worried trifecta going on. Drake had a gossip rag clenched in one fist, so it was easy for Riley to deduce that she had ended up in the tabloids again. But how bad could it be? She’d shut down all of Maxwell’s attempts to get her to have sex outdoors, maintaining that there were places that sand should never go. 

Drake’s mouth was set in a thin line. “Those camera flashes we saw on the island? It was paparazzi.” 

Hana was nearly fidgeting. “They took a lot of pictures, and they’re completely misrepresenting them.” 

Liam picked up the tabloid and gave her an apologetic glance before reading it. “Duchess Riley spends honeymoon putting future heir at risk.”

“They’re really making everything we did sound criminal.” Hana looked so sad that Riley felt the urge to put her arm around her.

Maxwell took the paper from Liam and read aloud. “Duchess Riley Zane rides horseback, sips champagne, and soaks in a hot tub, with no sign of care for the future heir to Cordonia’s Crown.”

Riley raised an eyebrow. “There weren’t even any horses on that island.” 

“Unfortunately, the truth doesn’t matter as much as appearances. And until there’s a little apple gestating in that womb of Riley’s, assumptions and speculations will be made.” Riley looked over to see Madeleine striding in, characteristic frown in place. Riley idly wondered if Madeleine had trained herself to do it in such a way that she would minimize wrinkles.

A Master’s Degree in Political Science from Columbia, but that apparently mattered less than her ability to spawn. Riley should have felt angry or upset, but somehow, she felt bemused. She looked over at Maxwell, who gave her an encouraging nod. “Well, this may take a long time,” she interjected. “Maxwell and I had a nice long appointment yesterday. I’ll spare you the gory details, unless you want them, in which I’ll be happy to relay them later. The nutshell version is that I have some damage to my ovaries and am going to need some IVF action, as I’m at too great a risk of ectopic pregnancy to conceive naturally, and as my fertility is also likely compromised. IVF has approximately a 40% success rate. So...yeah.”

There was a long moment of silence, in which those gathered looked surprised and Maxwell squeezed her hand reassuringly. Madeleine broke the silence. “Well….this complicates things.”

Riley looked at her. “It doesn’t have to. Transparency may be the way to go here.  
Besides, I imagine there are plenty of Cordonians who also deal with infertility. We could offer a certain sense of solidarity, start a conversation…”

“I don’t know…” Madeleine sighed. “Can nothing be simple with you?”

“It’s your job, Madeleine. One you literally signed up for.” Maxwell gave her a stony look.

“And I’m not the one who made the announcement before Maxwell and I were tested to see if we could even conceive.”

Maxwell’s eyes widened as he looked at her. Riley locked eyes with him, then with Liam. “I may be out of line, there. And if so, I am sorry. I know the amount of pressure you’re under.”

Liam nodded. “You’re not wrong.” He stood up and walked to the window, looking out for a moment before turning back to the group. “Countess Madeleine, see if you can steer the press away from Maxwell and Riley for now. Otherwise…” he looked at Riley. “I’ll leave it to your discretion how open you’d like to be about the IVF process. And please let me know if you need anything. For now, I’m afraid I have to attend to other things on the schedule. I will see everyone later.” In typical Liam fashion, he gave a polite nod to everyone and an encouraging smile before leaving.

Riley looked around the table. “So, who’s up for cronuts?”

****

“Riley?”

Riley looked up from her paperwork and eased herself back in her desk chair. “Come in Hana. Take a seat, if you’d like one.” She flashed her a smile. “You have good timing; I’m due for a break.”

Hana entered the study, closing the door behind her. She settled into a chair, smoothing the creases from her skirt. “Riley, I’m sorry about the nursery. I should have waited before getting started on it. I was just…” she sighed, “counting our apples before they’re ripe.”

“Oh Hana...we all rushed into things.” She waved her hand. “Maxwell and I rushed into marriage, the rest of the country rushed us into getting pregnant.” She paused. “Yeah, I thought I could think of something wise to say, but it seems I was wrong.” Her eyes widened. “Oh right. You were-are just being a good friend.”

Hana gave a small smile. “I wish I could do more for you right now.”

Riley was struck with a strong sense of wanting to tell Hana everything. It was one that was normally easier to stomp down. She cleared her throat. “Just keep being your fabulous self.” She smiled. “And have the baked goods ready for the days I have egg retrievals.”

Hana brightened. “Well I can certainly do that.”

Riley felt overwhelmed suddenly. “I must have actually done something right at some point to have you as a friend.”

Hana grinned. “I’m only trying to do for you what you’ve done for me in the past.”

Riley slumped in her chair after Hana left. Forty. Forty weeks for a full-term pregnancy. Forty percent success rate for IVF. She imagined it was a distressingly low statistic for many. She wasn’t sure what it meant to her. 

She sighed and rested her forehead onto her folded arms. What would she do if she could turn back the clock? Would she have looked at Maxwell, staring up at her with hope in his eyes, a ring of twigs in his hand, and told him no, that they needed to put the brakes on because they were running on fear and adrenaline from the events of previous several months, not to mention the events of the previous night? Should she have?

She didn’t have an answer.

*****

Maxwell was having a nightmare. 

Riley looked broken, sitting on the floor, tears streaming down her face. “You should have let me die,” she cried, and then looked up into his face, eyes wide and terrified. “I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m sorry I lied.”

Maxwell woke to the sound of wheezing and crying. 

He opened his eyes to see that Riley wasn’t beside him, and his heart began to race as he saw fresh blood on the sheets. He sat up abruptly, ready to jump out of bed, when he saw Riley, alive and well, staring out the balcony windows and put two and two together. Just menstrual blood. She hadn’t somehow hurt herself. 

He paused. She’d said yesterday that she was relieved; she wouldn’t be upset about not being pregnant. But then, maybe not having a baby because she didn’t want one was one thing, not having a baby and likely never being able to have one was another.

He slid out of bed and walked over to her. “Hey,” he said softly, gently pulling her into his arms, waiting for her anxiety to subside.

“I wasn’t honest with you,” she sniffled. 

“Yeah, we talked about this yesterday. Neither of us were being totally honest with ourselves, or each other.”

“Maxwell,” she pulled back and looked at him. “It’s not just the whole not wanting a baby thing Maxwell. It was the “having an heir to the throne” thing. I can’t believe I was willing to put that kind of pressure on them.” She rubbed a hand across her forehead.

“Yeah, I get it.” There was some kind of irony in the fact that the American and the court jester, the unconventional duchess and duke, had been tapped to produce the heir to the throne. Two people who had refused to color within the lines expected to decide their child’s entire life course. He rubbed her back in a soothing gesture. “Are you going to be okay with talking to Liam about it today?”

“Yeah.” She straightened and squared her shoulders. “I want to get it done with.”

He smiled. “Me too.” He worried his lower lip. “I had an idea as well. With Bertrand and Savannah’s wedding coming up in a bit, I thought it might be a good idea to take a little vacation. I took a look at the map, and I thought maybe you and I could visit some key Life of Riley areas. North Dakota, where you did your undergrad, Montana, where you learned how to be a fire fighter..” Maxwell smiled, momentarily distracted by the thought of his beautiful phoenix heroically riding on the back of a grizzly bear with a family of rabbits in her arms, guiding them away from the flames.

“I’m not sure what you’re picturing, but I am confident that I look much sexier than I ever did in my fire-fighting gear.”

“I’ll draw you a picture. Anyway, then we’ll head south to New Mexico and right over to Texas.”

A semblance of a smile made it to her face. “Sounds like fun, but that is an epic road trip.”

Maxwell grinned. “Fun and epic is what you got when you married me.”

*****

“So a UFO crashed into this town after World War II?”

Riley chuckled. It had been one of Maxwell’s best ideas, this trip. Watching him experience the Western United States had been nothing short of delightful. “It was a nuclear test surveillance balloon. But Roswell’s tourism has been cashing in on the alen iconography and the conspiracy theories and the ufology for a while.”

“Wow. So, can we go to the UFO museum?”

“Of course. But there’s a stop I want to make first, and it might be kind of rough.”

The house that now sat on the lot was painted a much cheerier yellow than the one that Riley had spent the first several years of her life in, and the style was rather different. Thank goodness for small mercies, she thought. It softened the sharp cuts of memory that were filled with flame and smoke.

Maxwell gave her hand a squeeze. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah.” Riley drew a bit closer, and Maxwell put his arm around her. “Thanks for coming with me. I just...feel like I need to face it once in a while, you know?”

“Yeah, I get it.” He kissed her on the forehead. “I’ve never met someone as brave as you.” He paused. “But you don’t have to be brave all the time. That’s why I’m here.”

Riley buried her face in his shoulder. She knew he was talking about being there for her, holding her when she felt like talking, or crying, encouraging her to ask for help. He didn’t know that she was a coward who couldn’t tell him the truth, even as she wondered if her secret was slowly crawling its way to them in a very Yeats’ Second Coming kind way.

She lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “You’re way out of my league, you know.”

He grinned. “There’s no accounting for some people’s tastes, it’s true. But I always said I’d marry up.”

She wrapped her arms around him. “That is not what I meant, and you know it.”

“Well, I guess we’ve got the rest of our lives for one of us to prove the other is wrong.” He kissed her, and although it was a warm spring day, Riley couldn’t suppress a shiver.

**

“I can’t believe you didn’t buy even one t-shirt.” Maxwell had spread his bounty of Roswell UFO Museum paraphernalia out on the second bed in their hotel room, and he surveyed the items with a pleased expression.

Riley sidled up to him and slung one arm around his waist. “I figured I’d just wear your’s.”

A smile slowly spread across Maxwell’s face. “That is a very pleasing image.”

“I’m not wearing anything else in this scenario am I?” Riley slid her fingers under the hem of the shirt Maxwell was currently wearing. She squealed as Maxwell tackled her onto the bed. “You’re still wearing more clothes in that scenario than you’ll be wearing in the next five minutes,” he whispered.

“Mmm…” Riley tangled her fingers in his hair as he swooped in for a kiss. She turned her head to the side as he pulled away and moved to place kisses on her neck. “I could rock this fun bandana,” she said as she caught a glimpse of a black garment with green alien heads.

Maxwell stilled. “That’s a dog bandana,” he said.

“Something you want to tell me?” she asked as he made eye conact. 

Maxwell shifted so that he lay beside her. “Yeah. I want a dog. I’ve always wanted one, but my parents always said I had to make do with Bertrand.”

Riley raised an eyebrow. “Interesting comparison. Well, since you and Bertrand are living apart these days, I can see why you’re looking for a substitute.”

Maxwell blinked. “That’s….less enthusiastic than I was hoping for.”

“I’m not sure what you were expecting Maxwell.”

Maxwell narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want you to agree with me if you’re just doing it because you think I’m really sad about us not having a baby. Because I’ll say it every day if you need me to; I’m okay. More than okay.”

“I believe you. And I like dogs well enough.”

Maxwell turned so he was laying on his side. “But I’m the only one who actually wants one.”

“Well, it’s your house too Maxwell. If you want one, get one.”

“I want you to have more than just a begrudging acceptance.”

Riley pursed her lips, considering. “I’m sure it sounds awful, to use the word burden, but that is what it is. And it’s hard to get attached. And it’s another, you know, living being to worry about.”

“Are we still talking about a dog?”

“I can recognize the parallels. We conceive living entities because we want these entities in our lives. And then we have these expectations, and not just ‘don’t violate others’ rights’ and ‘try to minimize harm’ and ‘try to leave the world a bit better than you found it,’ but rather enormous expectations, and these entities did not ask to be conceived, but we have the nerve to be disappointed.”

“You are very much preaching to the choir.” Maxwell paused. “And I have every intention of adopting a dog, not purchasing one. So, you know, I wouldn’t be contributing to the creation of entities, as you very clinically put it.”

Riley rubbed a hand over her face. “I don’t have a good counter-argument.”

“I’m settling for begruding acceptance, aren’t I?” Maxwell paused, then smiled. “You know what? It’s fine. Begrudging acceptance is how I got you to marry me, after all.”

Riley propped herself up on her elbow and glared at him. “That is very much not true, and you know it.”

Maxwell pulled her down so they were flush together. “Time to prove your enthusiasm then.” He smirked as he wrapped his arms around her.

“I didn’t think I’d ever shown less than full enthusiasm.” She trailed her fingers gently over his face.

“So you’ll enthusiastically welcome a dog into House Zane.”

Riley had to bite back a smile. She was completely whipped. “Dogs. We should get two rescues. They’re pack animals.”

Maxwell grinned. Yep, she was whipped. “I actually bought five bandannas,” he said.

But not that whipped. “Two dogs. Two.”

***

Riley carefully lowered Thunder’s hoof and stretched as she straightened her back. She ran a hand along the horse’s flank as she moved closer to Thunder’s head. “There you go, girl.” She slipped the hoofpick into her back pocket. “It’s not a professional pedicure or anything, but I didn’t leave any dirt or stones under your nails.”

Thunder blinked.

“Fair enough; it’s the least I can do after making you haul my ass around.”

Riley saw Liam out of the corner of her eye before she heard his low chuckle. “Let it never be said that Duchess Riley Zane ever overlooked the care of those in her service.”

Riley turned and gave a formal bow. “I appreciate the vote of confidence, Your Majesty.”

Liam gave her a soft smile. “Would you care to take a walk with me?”

“Sure. Just let me turn Thunder out.”

The sun was setting as they walked in companionable silence. “You and Maxwell seem to be enjoying yourselves,” Liam remarked. “I’m glad you decided to take this vacation prior to Bertrand and Savannah’s wedding; you deserved some time away from Court.”

Riley glanced over at him. “As do you. Are you enjoying this time away?”

“I am.” They stopped and looked out at acres of ranchland. The sun was beginning to dip below the horizon. 

“Do you ever miss your life before Cordonia?”

Riley smiled. “I miss the anonymity. I get homesick sometimes. But I love my new life.”

Liam looked at her, considering. “You seem happy. But I think this trip is the happiest I’ve seen you and Maxwell since your honeymoon.”

Riley met his gaze, considering whether to continue to play dumb or to tip her hand. “IVF isn’t as enjoyable as you’d think.” She shrugged. “But now it’s over.”

Liam pursed his lips. “Riley, I hope I’m not over-stepping my bounds, but I wonder if you would be okay with me paying you back to cover some of the costs of the treatments.”

Riley blinked. “I, uh, was not expecting that.”

“I feel it may be appropriate. You wouldn’t have been in that situation if not for me.”

“You definitely weren’t the cause of my infertility Liam.”

“Riley…” Liam frowned. “Be honest with me. Did you want to have a child, or did you agree to it because I asked you to?”

Riley sighed. “The latter.” She winced. “No Liam, not the sad face…”

“I’m not trying to make you feel guilty Riley. I thought…” he sighed, “most nobles don’t wait long to start their families, and you and Maxwell were already very popular with the public. It seemed like the next step. I didn’t realize the weight of what I was asking you to do.”

“I should have been upfront with you Liam. I’m sorry I wasn’t. My narcissism got in the way.”

Liam raised an eyebrow. “Your narcisism?”

“I was still riding the high of being the Champion of The Realm. To be told that the public was wondering when I was going to have a child, to be asked to produce an heir...I think it tapped into my ego.”

“Even setting aside the fact that you’re self-diagnosing, I think you’re being too hard on yourself. I shouldn’t have shirked my responsibility and set it on you and Maxwell.”

“You can hardly be blamed for wanting the time to find the right person.” 

Liam nodded, but his eyes betrayed his conflict. “I appreciate that, but it’s still my responsibility.”

Riley looked out on the horizon. The sun had now nearly fully set. “I guess we all three kind of messed that one up.” She peered up at Liam, who finally looked as if he was beginning to be unburdened. “But it wasn’t the worst thing, to figure out that I wasn’t able to have children. It makes planning for the future potentially easier.” She paused. “Perhaps we’ll have to make a pact; no more hiding things from each other.”

Liam cracked a real smile. “Sounds like a worthwhile goal.” He offered her his arm. “Shall I escort you back to the house, Your Grace?”

“Why thank you, Your Majesty.”

**

“Can I make a confession?” Maxwell took his place beside his wife, offering her a glass of champagne.

“It’s the appropriate night for it,” Riley replied, accepting the glass.

Maxwell grinned, looking out from the balcony over the festival. The flames and embers of various wishes looked like hundreds of fireflies. “I wasn’t sure your plan to replace the lanterns with flying wish paper was going to go over. But it seems that everyone loves it.”

Riley smiled. “I’m glad I’m not the only Cordonian who felt strongly about finding a safer, more environmentally friendly alternative. And I don’t know, I think this is more fun for the children of Valtoria.”

“I think you’re right.” Maxwell’s eyes lit up, and he held up his own glass. “I propose a toast, even though it’s a few days early. To us, on our first anniversary.”

Riley’s dark eyes met his blue ones. She didn’t believe in wishes, luck, or fairy tales, but she couldn’t contain her optimism. “And if I may, to the future. Whatever it has in store for us, we’ll be ready for it, together.”

They clinked glasses, and drank. Riley focused her attention on the beauty of the moment; the bubbles of the champagne, the way the flames from so many wishes were winking out in the dusk.


End file.
